It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
