Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
