Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
