roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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