don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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