saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
