Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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