omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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