i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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