Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
