We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
