there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he was CRYING into my vagina
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
