Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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