would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
