East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
