i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
