i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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