Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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