If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
