wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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