I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
