I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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