I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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