He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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