Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we're so committed to being not committed
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
