i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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