I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hippo gnu deer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
