stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
