there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
