U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Randomize
