Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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