shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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