Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
