Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
