anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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