I haven't been this sober since birth.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
