The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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