no, he came in my armpit
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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