He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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