Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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