just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize