is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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