He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
