my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
