Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
