I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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