I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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