We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
