Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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