so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
