Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
