I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
