Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
