I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
