I just threw up on my dentist
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
