When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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