i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
