I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
