Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
