i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
