he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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