listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
this hospital has no fireball
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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