guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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