I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
